reflection

I recently took a photo to update my online profiles on Twitter and Facebook. I took about 12 photos to be exact, on my cam with Photobooth.  Some of the photos were dark, a few totally unflattering, and the rest were of some stranger. Some stranger in the camera smiling back.

I stared at the photos for a long time.  I tried changing the lighting and making a black/white of it.  I tinted my hair, played with the background… Nothing made the photos I took of me, actually look like me. So I went on a hunt. I showed them to my husband and asked what was different. He said it looked just like me, so no help there. Then I turned it to a friend and asked for input.  No suggestion.

So it got me thinking..  When I look in the mirror, who am I seeing? Am I really seeing my own reflection, or the reflection I’m expecting and have been seeing for years…

I’ll tell you want I see.  I see a girl with a round face, slight overlap on two teeth, not perfectly white teeth and thin hair that always looks a mess.  What the picture I was looking at showed: A girl with a round face and cute dimple.  White teeth and a cute hair-do at the time.

So where is the disconnect? I’ll be honest, I even went to the dentist to use a groupon I had for Zoom whitening.  When I sat down for the initial consult, I was a bleached, level 1, which basically meant I couldn’t go much whiter on the scale so while I still got it done, I didn’t really notice the results because it wasn’t drastic.  Do I see white teeth when I look in the mirror? No.

I’m not sure how to change this body hatred. I know I know, love our bodies and accept them as we are.  I’m on the road to changing it, and I should be grateful, but I struggle to see that when the scale hasn’t moved, or when a pair of jeans are snug one day.  I hate it.  I love my dimples, but I rarely show them off because I hate my teeth.  I like my eyes, but usually have crazy brows so I tend to hate them because of my brows… I always find a way to take something I like about myself and turn it negative, when I know I need to be doing the exact opposite.

How have you come to accept your body?

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