Massage

Friday confessional. It’s been a while.

I love getting a massage. I talk about it on here, a lot.  I would rather give up going out to eat, new shoes and a hair cut, just to get a massage. But, there’s a lot of mental prep before I get one.

When I get a massage, I really have to trust the person. Not because I want them to be good (although yes, I do want them to be good at their job) but because I’m going to be with them for the next hour or so, in my most vulnerable way. Naked. Exposed.  No hiding and no returning.

Yes I know, I can wear clothes, and I can keep different pieces on. I’ve tried that, and it doesn’t make for the same experience. Whenever I go they always tell me to get undressed with as much as I am comfortable. I know the drill. And my fear of laying there naked isn’t because I ever fear something awful would happen or something inappropriate. That’s never been my fear, so that’s not where this is going.  If that’s not it, then of course the next concern is body image.

I’m terrified of laying there with my untoned back/legs/arms exposed.  This is a panic I go through before each massage. It doesn’t matter who the therapist is. It’s the same recurring thoughts that race through my mind. I recently was lucky enough to find two massage therapists that I feel less self conscious with, but it’s not entirely gone.

I dont’ want to say I’m confident all other times of my day, but I can’t think of one other situation where I’m that nervous and that self-conscious.  It’s something I thought I’d get over by now, but I haven’t. It doesn’t stop me entirely, but it does stop me from possibly having as many as I’d like.

Have you ever had that OH NO moment before a massage? Any other activities suddenly remind you how self conscious you are?

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