A little over a year ago, I was in a bad place emotionally and mentally. I was participating, and dreaming of participating in, very self-destructive behaviors. Without going into detail out, because this really isn’t the place for it at this point, I entered in a routine counseling pattern with a social worker at a local place. Why a social worker? I had bad experiences with the previous professionals I had talked with, they just seemed so stiff and so not ‘real’. Like I’d pour my heart out and they’d stare at me like I’d lost my mind. So I met with this counselor and she was human, she even made mistakes too! It was great.
So after numerous sessions, and when I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel I had created, husband agreed to go to a group marriage counseling for a few weeks. We went mainly so that we could get back on the same page. We unfortunately couldn’t make it through the whole series of sessions because insurance changed, but there were two sessions solely dedicated to the 5 love languages.
Dr. Gary Chapman breaks them down accordingly:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
And when we were learning about them, we realized that most people tend to feel loved the most by one or two of those methods, and so figuring out how you feel loved, and how your partner feels loved, is important. So after reading, discussing and reflecting, I tend to feel love through receiving gifts and acts of service. Like when husband brings me lunch, or cleans the kitchen, I know he loves me. Husband feels loved through words of affirmation and physical touch. He needs a hug and to hear that I love him. Until I knew this about him (and folks, we’ve been together since 1999!) I just assumed that if I did things that would make ME feel loved, then certainly he would in return, right? No. Me buying him a special treat while I’m out, or cleaning his office as a surprise doesn’t have that same effect on him. Who knew? Not me, and it took me years to learn that…
I’ve always done this for everyone, but without knowing their love language, it’s hard to know whether it hits home or not. I still struggle to remember that he needs different attention than what I need, so I have to remember to give him that. I can honestly say I didn’t know this type of drastic difference in ways to show love existed. I just assumed you could say it, or show it, in any way, and people would get it. Who knew this love stuff could be tricky?
Have you ever read up on them and figured out what your love language is? Do you and your partner have the same?
Cover of John TravoltaI was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and we were talking about my deep rooted love for John Travolta. Oh be quiet, I can love him if I want… We were talking about musicals and movies, and I said how I loved Grease. I said that if I [...]
It’s early Sunday morning and I have a long list of things I want to get done before my parents come over to help with a project (because while my husband is convinced he can do it on his own, I’d like it completed in a day if possible..) So while we’re sitting here [...]
I'm a 30-something yoga-lovin', tea-drinkin' high school teacher struggling to find my place in this crazy world. My blog focuses on my journey to lose weight, get healthy, and our attempts to become a family of three. I spend a lot of time exploring and embracing Akron, often photo-documenting my trips. Everything else is just the glitter in my life that adds to who I am.