Yoga

I haven’t blogged in a while about anything substantial because I’ve had something weighing on my mind. I’m sort of feeling like I’m at a crossroads with yoga and myself.

When I started yoga, I was going for me. For peace and relaxation for the soul.  As I progressed, I started taking my practice off the mat, from just being poses, to my daily life. I really enjoyed this. From there, I started taking harder classes, and I’d even venture into the hot room.  Every single time I did this though, I left miserable. At first I thought it was me. I wasn’t ready.  Then I remembered –  my body can’t process heat like that. I’m more susceptible to heat exhaustion, which I learned early on when I played indoor tennis, and yet I kept trying and pushing myself.  Leaving yoga feeling nauseous and with a headache for the next two days is NOT what I wanted, and yet it’s what I kept doing. Over and over.

So I stopped. I took a step back. I went back to the basics class, and I enjoyed where I was and what I was doing.  I went back for a Christmas eve class (I think) so there were limited sessions that day, and went to a basics class to get back on the mat and back in that mindset.  My original spot was taken, which I normally am next to the door in case I feel ill and have to slide out.  The room filled up, we were practically touching mats, I loved this! A few sun salutations into the class, I realized something wasn’t right. I was getting a little dizzy and my head was throbbing.  This was my beloved basic class in the basic room – I shouldn’t be experiencing this. I knew I wasn’t dehydrated, and I knew I should stop. But I didn’t.  I kept going. I felt stupid having to stop – we barely started.  What was I going to do, lay there all class? Climb over 20 people to get out? So I went with it, knowing how much I would regret it.

As we were packing up our stuff, I started getting chills and knew I was going to regret this workout. I heard the instructor say, “I kept the heat up because the room was so chilly when we got here, but all these bodies sure did make it nice and warm”.  NO – NOT NICE AND WARM, it was HOT.

I sat in the car, couldn’t even drive right away. I got home, laid in bed sipping water & shivering, and actually had to call the Mr. because I couldn’t stop throwing up. All I wanted was a nice way to start a holiday with my family, this was not my plan.

I haven’t gone back since that class. I feel betrayed by my body, and betrayed by teachers not sticking to the plan.  The plan is a cooler, temperature controlled room. There are only two teachers at the studio I attend that I’d feel comfortable going back to. One particular class, with Maria, where she’s always been very on target for teaching to the class would be ideal, but Monday’s are a tough day to get to class lately. Having that experience has made me so hesitant to try new teachers or new studios.

So here I am, with my crossroads. Is it OK to not want to progress and learn inversions and headstands and just be content with my current physical practice? Shouldn’t I want to challenge myself? Because I don’t.  Maybe I will, but for now, I like my practice as it is. Is that so wrong?

I’d love input from some yogis and yoga teachers! 

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